The last few years have been crazy, stressful, terrifying, and challenging. These have definitely been the hardest years of our marriage. A lot of amazing things have happened in these years but in between the good times there were lots of fights, tears, and silence. We both did and said things that we didn’t mean on the heat of the moment. From what I’ve heard, this is pretty typical for couples who have been together as long as we have. It made every day difficult, and any time together hard to enjoy. I did three (seemingly simple) things over the last few weeks and it has been so much better between us. 

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Accepting Responsibility For My Faults In My Marriage

As we approach our 6th wedding anniversary, I’ve been thinking and reflecting on where we’re at in our marriage. I have been thinking about what it was like in the beginning, when we were first getting to know each other, first fell in love and when we decided we wanted this life together. I want to feel that way again, how we felt early on in our time together. I still love him, yes. And I know he loves me more than ever. But it’s definitely not the same as it was. 
Through all of this reflecting, I realized something big. I’ve been so focused on the flaws in our life together. Focused on what he is doing wrong, or what he isn’t doing right. I’ve been putting all of the blame on him. I go through the motions of being married and being a family, but I haven’t been showing him I love him or putting in the effort of my part to make this marriage work.

Making Changes

For the last few weeks I’ve been loving my husband actively. Showing him how much I love him through my actions and telling him every chance I can. Doing things he appreciates and being affectionate. Anytime we text or talk on the phone through the day, I make sure to tell him I love him. I even text him at least once a day just to tell him I love him or miss him. When he gets home each day I stop what I’m doing to give him a hug and a kiss. I have been trying harder to show my husband how much I love him each and every day.

All of these things seem so simple. If you’ve never been married or if you are still quite newly married, these things might seem routine and shouldn’t take effort to accomplish. Marriage is all about choosing to spend your life with someone, and being in love with that person. It can be hard though. No matter how much two people love each other, there will be disagreements, arguments, and fights. When two people live together, they learn how to push each others buttons. It’s also easy to forget to let your spouse know you love them, through your words and your actions. It can be especially easy to forget while raising kids.

Communication Really Is Key

Last but not least, I am communicating with him more about my needs and expectations from him. Communication is so important for any relationship between to people. I have realized that my husband and I don’t communicate as much or as well as we used to. Instead of being annoyed or angry that he’s not doing something I want him to do, I’m telling him up front. It’s a lot easier to get what you want from someone if you tell them what you want. For instance, I wanted some time a couple mornings a week to work on my blog away from the kids. I let my husband know and we decided that I could go to Starbucks on the two days he has off of work each week.

Changed For The Better

It has only been a couple weeks and wow my marriage has changed. We’re fighting less. We respect each other more. I am in a better mood when I’m around him and throughout the day. I even miss him when he’s gone and look forward to him coming home each day. My husband has responded as well. I can tell he’s in a better mood. He goes out of his way more to do little things like rub my shoulders or clean up after dinner. We are functioning better as husband and wife, and as parents. As the years go by, it can be hard to do these little things each day, and even harder to communicate with each other. We just have to remember why we chose to be with each other in the first place. Actively love each other and communicate. Sometimes it takes one person in the marriage to finally take responsibility for their faults instead of passing the blame off on their spouse. When one person accepts their responsibility and starts working to make it better, its easy for the other person to do the same.